Wandering One “prologue”

I haven’t made up my mind whether this should go in the book.
But here I give you the current opener to my 2010 NaNoWriMo novel, Wandering One.
Note: These two sections are at completely different stages of editing.

Nicole had been wandering her entire life. Her father’s career demanded they be on the move, and she had learned to get used to it.

She had learned to love it. Every trip was like a walk in another world, with new adventures to be found, new landscapes to explore. It was a game to make new discoveries, even in familiar places.

In spite of that experience, her father worried when she wandered alone. He grew more nervous with every journey she took.

And this time, she could not soothe his fears. For she was unable to soothe her own.

This section, if included in the final version, is meant to be the “hook.”
Now let us see the following section:

The season drew to a close, and the tour followed close behind. The riders lodged at the same hotel for a few days more, venturing out in the day to do touristy things, before they had to finish the last leg, and the trip home.

Every year, the number of strange faces dwindled, the number of familiar faces increased. Nicole wasn’t the only one to return to these tours, though it was the first that she had come alone. And like many of the repeat customers, though she traveled with the group, she was not there for the packaged tours.

As she repeated these tours, she became more familiar with the routes, more confident to explore on her own, to see parts of Japan that most tourists never found. She began writing about things that even the locals would never see.

After the group’s first dinner in the city, she retreated to the hotel’s library to look over their maps.

The tour guide found her there after midnight.

And only afterward does the story shift to a more limited perspective. That is, seeing the story through Nicole’s eyes, instead of watching her from a distance.

The question is, is there a better hook? Something that gets to the point, and her personal POV, faster?
Or is this one good?

This entry was posted in Excerpt, National Novel Writing Month, Works In Progress and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

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